"don't mention me kid, I'm not out to take credit for any of this. The truth is, if people would take a moment and look at the scars in others, their desires, the things they need...these are not difficult to see. i just see.
1. Love is not selfish, if you say you love a girl, her good comes before yours. love without asking anything in return, without taking anything.
2. Dating does not mean you have some sort of claim on a girl. She is not yours! She is her husband's; if you're dating, that is not you yet. You need to treat her like you're taking care of her, protecting her, for someone else. Again, be selfless.
3. Taking advantage of a girl is weak and pathetic. it shows an absolute lack of self-control or love. A man will protect a girl from himself. He will guard her sexuality, understanding that the only person to know her in that way is her husband. A man will wait, and protect the girls around him from the boys that won't.
4. A man studies his woman. He searches after her heart. By heart, I mean who she really is. The way she thinks, what she likes, what food she enjoys, what she believes-- He will strive, in a subtle gentleman's way to find out all the things that make her who she is. I repeat, who she is! Not what she looks like. The process of this has many different strategies, many of which are learned over time, however, the main strategy, and one of the most important is this: a man listens to his woman.
5. A man understands that he needs to listen to his woman, a girl is far more emotionally invested in life than a boy. When she talks, she isn't always wanting an answer, or a solution. More often then not she is just bringing you into her world. A man, not a boy, knows when to just listen-- to be quiet and listen.
6. love languages, if a man cannot at the very least figure out his woman's love language, he is a failure and the dating process should end in the hospital bed that the young woman's real men friends put the pathetic boy in. There are several love languages (my mother's is quality time) men will figure it out. All one has to do is be a student of women. Not that hard.
7. Being a gentleman is important. By important, I mean that if a man is not a gentleman he is not fit to date, or be seen with, or talk to.....ever. some genuine traits that separate the men from the boys are simple things such as, OPENING THE DOOR! This is a big one, a man opens the door for girls, any girls, everywhere, cars, churches, barns, and bars. (if he takes you to the last one he needs to reevaluate his mental stability, pubs are good, bars are bad.) a gentleman is a good host, is aware and willing to serve the women around him. a gentleman does everything he can, in a refined way, to preserve the health, safety, and well being of the women in his life at all times, at the expense of himself. the list goes on and on, with many more subtle points and tangents, but if every guy would start with these three I would never have another girl crush on me ever again.
8. A man understands that a girl has an innate desire to be affirmed. He does this without taking advantage of her in any way. He loves her in a proper way, and in context of the relationship, affirms her within the confines of the relationship, again, putting the girls true needs first. He gives and sacrifices.
9. A girl/woman is a treasure. precious beyond the imagination of any but God. she needs to be respected as such. Protected by men. A man considers it his responsibility to protect all the girls around him. He demands that the other males around him treat woman properly. If they don't, a real man will fight for a woman, and i mean fight. blood sweat and tears. "
This is the end of the list as he wrote it. I personally was very impressed by it (girls, comment and let me know if you thought the same!). I know there are ladies out there who don't like to be "protected" because they feel fully capable of protecting themselves, opening doors et. Guys know that women are strong and capable, but it is an honour for real men to live out the role that they have. Let them be men! In the very least, I can't think of a single woman who would want their man to be discourteous, disrespectful and to ignore her. Listen to these words. Guys, I dare you to try these things. Let's see if it doesn't bring a change to the world. Girls, this was written by a guy that I know lives by these things as far as he can... they do exist. These things are not rocket science but rather simple observations, but as such people forget these things all over the world. We live surrounded by brokeness, so let's help each other to encourage men to live well and for women not to put up with substandard treatment. Let's make a change.
Stay tuned for an edition on how girls should treat men.
I like the point regarding women being under no claim our authority but her parents' and her own until she's actually married. My last bf said that I had to submit to his authority since he was the man in the relationship and used it as a means of control. This anonymous relative is a wise young man. The words are both validating and liberating.
ReplyDeleteThat point really got my attention too. Him and his family are super encouraging to me, I love them so much. It's not okay when boyfriends try to take what belongs to a girl and her future husband... we girls need to make a change, both for ourselves and for our men.
ReplyDeleteLindsay, you have a very learned' relative! I wish that I had known these principles and seen them practiced growing up. Many of them were taught, but not to this extent! There was an awful lot done that totally contradicted these principals. This kind of dialogue is such a great opportunity for both men and women, young and old! The emphasis was more on 'control' than mutual respect. Unfortunately being male was presented as giving you credence to do what YOU wanted, even if it was contrary to Scripture or was extremely hurtful to the women in your life. I love your 'friend's emphasis on the desire to bring out the absolute best in each other, that is truly an unselfish love. These concepts are so encouraging for the betterment of both individuals. They are a true example of a Servant's Heart, something we should all be striving for! Thanks for sharing Lindsay! I look forward to hearing your thoughts on a Ladies appropriate conduct and perspective in return.
ReplyDeleteJewels