How girls should treat guys

I know it has been forever, but the sequel of "how men should treat girls" is finally here with how girls should treat the men-folk. This is written as a combined effort with me and my cousins (one of which is a really awesome guy who put a lot into this list. You're allowed to disagree on this, but it's worth thinking about :)


1). Girls should allow guys to be gentlemen. Instead of getting offended when a man offers to open the door or to pay for the bill, don't shoot him down as if he's trying to say you aren't equal. Allow a guy to show you courtesy, you deserve it. According to my guy cousins, girls should demand that guys be gentlemen. If guys refuse, then they aren't worth hanging out with, especially when dating.


2) Girls should not be the initiator in a relationship. If he's shy, be obvious but let him take the lead. This allows you to find out what kind of man he is and how he will act within the relationship.


3) Don't advertise what's not for sale! If you want to be respected and not treated as an object don't dress like one. "Six-inch heels and fishnet stockings will get you a lot of attention but it won't get you anyone deeper than a puddle" according to my cousin. Guys are objective-focused, therefore make yourselves something worth achieving. The creme will rise to the top. Don't go chasing guys because the ones you will end up with aren't the type of guys that will be great husbands.


4) Guys make horrible girlfriends. Generally if you want to go knitting or dress-shopping most guys won't enjoy going with you (although there are exceptions). Recognize that he's a guy and will like guy things and that there has to be some give-and-take. He'll put up with some things you like but you also will need to put up with the occasional monster-truck rally. Do this within reason, however. If he wants to wrestle with you or take you to a strip club you should probably just walk away, maybe even run.


5) Encourage guys and don't belittle them. Respect them! Girls generally think a guy's ego is a mile high above reason, and a guy might act like it, but that's not the case. Women have the power to raise a guy up or to tear a guy apart. Guys, sometimes more than girls, can be taken down with just one negative comment and it just digs at them. Be careful with what you say and encourage them. You will get a lot more out of your guy and he'll rise up all the higher for it. Compliment him on things he is good at; if he made you a great meal, TELL HIM and he'll not only be more likely to do it again in the future, he'll feel so much better than if you complain.


6) Tell him what YOU WANT! Guys can't read your minds. Tattoo it on your arm. You might not really know what you want, but if you do tell him. Don't just expect him to know or to pick up on things you think he should know. If he's not getting it, know his brain doesn't work the same way as yours. Don't get impatient with him. Guys should know and be genuinely interested in fulfilling your needs but if he's fresh home from a long day at work and asks you if you want to go to a restaurant and you say you don't care but you really do... tell him what you really want.


7) Make sure he actually hears you. If he's doing something on the computer, a few rooms away, busy with something or just gazing off into that nothingness that men go to sometimes, he might not really be taking in that important stuff you are saying. Try to get his attention and hold his attention. Guys get annoyed like we do when he gets reminded five or six times to do something... it feels like nagging. Try to be patient and understand that guys are human and will not hear things and might forget. Be gentle and ask for help when you need it. Keep communication open, if you are frustrated with him let him know clearly but without tearing the guy apart.


8) Be confident in who you are and where your boundaries are. Make yourself clear and if you aren't interested in a guy, don't lead him on. If he is pushing you to do things you don't want to, giving in isn't helping anyone. Being clear will make him rise up and respect your boundaries, and if not he's not the kind of guy you want to be with. Also, don't go tearing yourself down just to hear him compliment you. Guys think you are beautiful and love it when you see it too.


9) Forgive but don't be a doormat. Even the best of guys will mess up and it doesn't feel nice for them if you hold it over his head. Sometimes you have to let things go. For example, if he forgot to pick up milk from the supermarket when you asked him this is probably a good time to forgive. However, there are lines to be drawn. If you allow a guy to abuse you or to make you feel unbeautiful, ditch his sorry, unworthy caboose. If you put up with those things he'll never feel the drive to do anything differently. Be clear with what is hurting you but if he doesn't take the hint don't just allow yourself to be treated like dirt. Protect yourself. Abuse isn't having to pick up a guys clothes after him but if he's hurting you physically, sexually or emotionally/mentally don't put up with it. Even if it seems "normal", don't just accept it. If it's tearing you apart get help. Tell somebody. Silence will kill you.


10) Don't compare a guy to your father or to other guys you've dated. As girls we can sometimes think that guys will make everything all right. That they will give you what your dad never did or will love you for always without mistakes. We can catch the prince-charming bug where we think a guy will be Mr. Darcy and then we find out that they have habits or quirks or problems that someone else you know didn't have. You know how bad it would feel to be compared to your mother-in-law or an ex-girlfriend? Ya, he doesn't like it much either. Of course, it depends on your dad. We will naturally be comparing but don't put a guy down for not doing things exactly like your dad.


This list was made quite a while ago and I know that there are certain parts that some girls will disagree with. I know you are all different and will have different opinions on these things. That's okay! I think the big point is to respect them, differences and all, and to think about how you would want to be treated and to treat them likewise. They struggle with a lot of the same things we do, but they also have temptations and insecurities that we can either help with or hinder. Be wise, respect the guys!

Can Christians write fantasy stories that involve magic?

There's nothing quite like making up a new world and allowing the characters to express every whim of your imagination and to have their abilities follow suit. Unfortunately, making people able to move the wind or practice "magic" has been a contentious issue among Christian circles. Some of you may recall some years ago when J.K. Rowling first started producing her famous Harry Potter books, many Christian groups were outraged at the plot being so centred around witchcraft-- a practice condemned in the Bible in several parts.

For example:

Deuteronomy 18:9-11

 When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery,interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead.

2 Chronicles 33:6

He sacrificed his children in the fire in the Valley of Ben Hinnom, practiced divination and witchcraft, sought omens, and consulted mediums and spiritists. He did much evil in the eyes of the LORD, arousing his anger.

Micah 5:12
I will destroy your witchcraft and you will no longer cast spells.

Nahum 3:4
all because of the wanton lust of a prostitute, alluring, the mistress of sorceries, who enslaved nations by her prostitution and peoples by her witchcraft.

Galatians 5:19-21

¹⁹ The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; ²⁰ idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions²¹ and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Then the question comes out, is writing stories that contain magic a poor practice for Christians? What if those stories include Christian values and plot features geared towards pointing people to God? As a Christian writer, this is something I'm trying to figure out. After all, giving God my life in all that I do is very important to me, even if it means I have to change my stories.

Some famous writers that managed to blend the use of fantasy with Christian themes are J.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. Tolkien even features a wizard as one of his key characters and yet many Christians use the imagery in The Lord of the Rings to express Christian themes such as fellowship and being willing to journey and face all odds for the call you receive. 

I've read these stories and I've enjoyed them. It has been a great mission of mine to use what I write to point to God, but at the same time I also just like making up stories that deal with people and how they interact. Magic just adds a bit of spice to it.

So, here are the cons so far that I've heard for including magic:

1) if you include magic in stories, you are promoting something that the Bible condemns. 

2) If you include magic, if you write anything expressly Christian afterwards, no one will respect you.

3) If you include magic, kids might read it and think that magic shown in this world is okay, such as the use of Ouija boards and the like. (Definitely do not want this!)

4) If you are spending your time writing fantasy, what are you really accomplishing for the kingdom of God? Even if you make it as though the magic is something that is given from a "God" figure, there is a lot of room for people to extract all sorts of principles that are not true in this world. For example, if I have a world where there is one God who gives people the ability to do things when they ask, this might rise the idea that God answers "yes" whenever people pray, which is not true all the time. 

On the other side, I've talked to people that think it's the messages that you send in a story that are more important. What values do you express? Won't there be undertones of what you believe in whatever you write? Also, the fact that it's meant to be in a different world all together is something I've heard as a pass for writers to be at liberty to make stories of this kind. Would being recognized as a writer open up doors in the secular world to share your faith? These are all things to be considered.

So reader, what do you think? Should including magic be avoided all together? Should it be used with care and the emphasis that there is bad magic out there? Comment below :)