How girls should treat guys

I know it has been forever, but the sequel of "how men should treat girls" is finally here with how girls should treat the men-folk. This is written as a combined effort with me and my cousins (one of which is a really awesome guy who put a lot into this list. You're allowed to disagree on this, but it's worth thinking about :)


1). Girls should allow guys to be gentlemen. Instead of getting offended when a man offers to open the door or to pay for the bill, don't shoot him down as if he's trying to say you aren't equal. Allow a guy to show you courtesy, you deserve it. According to my guy cousins, girls should demand that guys be gentlemen. If guys refuse, then they aren't worth hanging out with, especially when dating.


2) Girls should not be the initiator in a relationship. If he's shy, be obvious but let him take the lead. This allows you to find out what kind of man he is and how he will act within the relationship.


3) Don't advertise what's not for sale! If you want to be respected and not treated as an object don't dress like one. "Six-inch heels and fishnet stockings will get you a lot of attention but it won't get you anyone deeper than a puddle" according to my cousin. Guys are objective-focused, therefore make yourselves something worth achieving. The creme will rise to the top. Don't go chasing guys because the ones you will end up with aren't the type of guys that will be great husbands.


4) Guys make horrible girlfriends. Generally if you want to go knitting or dress-shopping most guys won't enjoy going with you (although there are exceptions). Recognize that he's a guy and will like guy things and that there has to be some give-and-take. He'll put up with some things you like but you also will need to put up with the occasional monster-truck rally. Do this within reason, however. If he wants to wrestle with you or take you to a strip club you should probably just walk away, maybe even run.


5) Encourage guys and don't belittle them. Respect them! Girls generally think a guy's ego is a mile high above reason, and a guy might act like it, but that's not the case. Women have the power to raise a guy up or to tear a guy apart. Guys, sometimes more than girls, can be taken down with just one negative comment and it just digs at them. Be careful with what you say and encourage them. You will get a lot more out of your guy and he'll rise up all the higher for it. Compliment him on things he is good at; if he made you a great meal, TELL HIM and he'll not only be more likely to do it again in the future, he'll feel so much better than if you complain.


6) Tell him what YOU WANT! Guys can't read your minds. Tattoo it on your arm. You might not really know what you want, but if you do tell him. Don't just expect him to know or to pick up on things you think he should know. If he's not getting it, know his brain doesn't work the same way as yours. Don't get impatient with him. Guys should know and be genuinely interested in fulfilling your needs but if he's fresh home from a long day at work and asks you if you want to go to a restaurant and you say you don't care but you really do... tell him what you really want.


7) Make sure he actually hears you. If he's doing something on the computer, a few rooms away, busy with something or just gazing off into that nothingness that men go to sometimes, he might not really be taking in that important stuff you are saying. Try to get his attention and hold his attention. Guys get annoyed like we do when he gets reminded five or six times to do something... it feels like nagging. Try to be patient and understand that guys are human and will not hear things and might forget. Be gentle and ask for help when you need it. Keep communication open, if you are frustrated with him let him know clearly but without tearing the guy apart.


8) Be confident in who you are and where your boundaries are. Make yourself clear and if you aren't interested in a guy, don't lead him on. If he is pushing you to do things you don't want to, giving in isn't helping anyone. Being clear will make him rise up and respect your boundaries, and if not he's not the kind of guy you want to be with. Also, don't go tearing yourself down just to hear him compliment you. Guys think you are beautiful and love it when you see it too.


9) Forgive but don't be a doormat. Even the best of guys will mess up and it doesn't feel nice for them if you hold it over his head. Sometimes you have to let things go. For example, if he forgot to pick up milk from the supermarket when you asked him this is probably a good time to forgive. However, there are lines to be drawn. If you allow a guy to abuse you or to make you feel unbeautiful, ditch his sorry, unworthy caboose. If you put up with those things he'll never feel the drive to do anything differently. Be clear with what is hurting you but if he doesn't take the hint don't just allow yourself to be treated like dirt. Protect yourself. Abuse isn't having to pick up a guys clothes after him but if he's hurting you physically, sexually or emotionally/mentally don't put up with it. Even if it seems "normal", don't just accept it. If it's tearing you apart get help. Tell somebody. Silence will kill you.


10) Don't compare a guy to your father or to other guys you've dated. As girls we can sometimes think that guys will make everything all right. That they will give you what your dad never did or will love you for always without mistakes. We can catch the prince-charming bug where we think a guy will be Mr. Darcy and then we find out that they have habits or quirks or problems that someone else you know didn't have. You know how bad it would feel to be compared to your mother-in-law or an ex-girlfriend? Ya, he doesn't like it much either. Of course, it depends on your dad. We will naturally be comparing but don't put a guy down for not doing things exactly like your dad.


This list was made quite a while ago and I know that there are certain parts that some girls will disagree with. I know you are all different and will have different opinions on these things. That's okay! I think the big point is to respect them, differences and all, and to think about how you would want to be treated and to treat them likewise. They struggle with a lot of the same things we do, but they also have temptations and insecurities that we can either help with or hinder. Be wise, respect the guys!

Can Christians write fantasy stories that involve magic?

There's nothing quite like making up a new world and allowing the characters to express every whim of your imagination and to have their abilities follow suit. Unfortunately, making people able to move the wind or practice "magic" has been a contentious issue among Christian circles. Some of you may recall some years ago when J.K. Rowling first started producing her famous Harry Potter books, many Christian groups were outraged at the plot being so centred around witchcraft-- a practice condemned in the Bible in several parts.

For example:

Deuteronomy 18:9-11

 When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery,interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead.

2 Chronicles 33:6

He sacrificed his children in the fire in the Valley of Ben Hinnom, practiced divination and witchcraft, sought omens, and consulted mediums and spiritists. He did much evil in the eyes of the LORD, arousing his anger.

Micah 5:12
I will destroy your witchcraft and you will no longer cast spells.

Nahum 3:4
all because of the wanton lust of a prostitute, alluring, the mistress of sorceries, who enslaved nations by her prostitution and peoples by her witchcraft.

Galatians 5:19-21

¹⁹ The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; ²⁰ idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions²¹ and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Then the question comes out, is writing stories that contain magic a poor practice for Christians? What if those stories include Christian values and plot features geared towards pointing people to God? As a Christian writer, this is something I'm trying to figure out. After all, giving God my life in all that I do is very important to me, even if it means I have to change my stories.

Some famous writers that managed to blend the use of fantasy with Christian themes are J.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. Tolkien even features a wizard as one of his key characters and yet many Christians use the imagery in The Lord of the Rings to express Christian themes such as fellowship and being willing to journey and face all odds for the call you receive. 

I've read these stories and I've enjoyed them. It has been a great mission of mine to use what I write to point to God, but at the same time I also just like making up stories that deal with people and how they interact. Magic just adds a bit of spice to it.

So, here are the cons so far that I've heard for including magic:

1) if you include magic in stories, you are promoting something that the Bible condemns. 

2) If you include magic, if you write anything expressly Christian afterwards, no one will respect you.

3) If you include magic, kids might read it and think that magic shown in this world is okay, such as the use of Ouija boards and the like. (Definitely do not want this!)

4) If you are spending your time writing fantasy, what are you really accomplishing for the kingdom of God? Even if you make it as though the magic is something that is given from a "God" figure, there is a lot of room for people to extract all sorts of principles that are not true in this world. For example, if I have a world where there is one God who gives people the ability to do things when they ask, this might rise the idea that God answers "yes" whenever people pray, which is not true all the time. 

On the other side, I've talked to people that think it's the messages that you send in a story that are more important. What values do you express? Won't there be undertones of what you believe in whatever you write? Also, the fact that it's meant to be in a different world all together is something I've heard as a pass for writers to be at liberty to make stories of this kind. Would being recognized as a writer open up doors in the secular world to share your faith? These are all things to be considered.

So reader, what do you think? Should including magic be avoided all together? Should it be used with care and the emphasis that there is bad magic out there? Comment below :)

Light Exposure: the Messy Truth

It was late. I was tired. I needed to get some rest before my midterm the next day and was stressing about it as I grabbed my Bible and journal, eager to do my nightly devotions and get to sleep as fast as possible.

Even though I was in a hurry, I couldn't escape the meaning of the passage I was reading. As I read, I felt the words penetrate my heart and thoughts with conviction. All the things that had stressed me out or distracted me from God rose to the surface. "Not now," I thought abruptly and put my journal aside, still blank, and got ready to sleep. I didn't want to think about my latest failings. Conversations that hadn't gone right. Times I hadn't loved people to the best of my ability. Laziness and selfishness... the sorts of things that remind me how human and imperfect I really am.

I rolled over to turn off my lamp and I realized how messy my room was. Our laundry machine isn't working and when combined with the natural craziness associated with midterms and my general procrastinating tendencies... my room was ridiculously messy. "Ah, not now!" I thought again with the welling of more stress in my tummy. "I need to sleep. I'll just turn off the light and forget about this for now."

That's when it stuck me

                                     \  \  | / / / /

                          light reveals mess.

                                      / / / | \ \ 

Think about that.

The Bible as our light isn't meant to be just words. It reveals. In our very deepest core are things we need to see both in our hearts, minds and actions. He uses so many ways to try and get our attention to show us a really beautiful and purposeful way to live but those principles often conflict with our natural tendencies. They become uncomfortable as we struggle to do things our own way. Like when you know you should be studying but are watching a movie instead. That slight discomfort that tends to be ignored.

Some people don't like to turn on the light because it is more comfortable going to sleep and forgetting about it. Using adages or excuses memorized long ago to put it off. 

Although it's uncomfortable to be faced with our mess, it is only in the light that God can help us to start to clear it away, start over, bring peace and order.  We aren't made to be creatures of the dark! We can't be active, thriving people by ignoring our problems. In darkness cleaning and organizing would be a nightmare. In the light, we live.

As Christians we are called to be a light to the world. Although that light is really warm and pleasant a lot of the time, there are also times when that light will be used to reveal mess that others don't want to see. And it will make them ANGRY. When Jesus shone light on the hypocrisy of the pharisees they were none too pleased. They wanted him dead! When faced with opposition or conflict, should we close our mouths and pretend that we don't have anything to say? God told us what to say, we should say it!

When we shine we shouldn't be afraid, dim or timid. Sure, we shouldn't throw lamps at people who have clearly hardened hearts, but that doesn't mean we should give up. It can be exceptionally hard and frustrating to shine for the people who accept the label but reject the life! "I'm a Christian, but that doesn't really make any difference in my life."

I hope light will be shone to reveal our messes. I hope that people would feel uncomfortable. Comfort creates complacency and inaction. How many times have we not acted to put an end to the travesties of our world due to our own comfort? How many movies have you watched where you think "That's terrible, we should do something!" yet fizzle it out in search of the next great product? Hotel Rawanda was one for me. Maybe this Kony movement is the same for you. We turn off the light on that which we don't want to see but most desperately need to. Even in your own life, are there things you've been feeling need to change yet you can't bring yourself to do it? Have you been living in a terrible mess and have lost hope of getting out? Think about it. In your own life, in how you interact with others, in how you interact with God, in society...

What have you left in the dark?

Isn't it time to Turn on the light? 

^"Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

Blind by Choice: Poverty, Sexual Slavery and the West

I heard somewhere that poverty is the lack of choices.
Having to do what you have to do just to survive.
No options.
You work where you can, you eat what you can
And if there isn't, you don't... simple as that.
If there isn't food, you can't eat it
If there isn't work, you can't find it
In a world where you haven't got, it's pretty hard to bring into existence that which isn't available to you.
You're just stuck, and it isn't pleasant.

But, I digress.

You and I, well we have choices.
We might not be millionaires, or billionaires,
We may have a job we don't like,
we may not always get what we want,
We might be stuck with a 2007 macbook not a macbook pro
or a phone that is neither smart nor a touchscreen.
We may have a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear
a fridge full of food and nothing to eat
or stuck in a course that we had to take because it was a requirement

... oh our woes...

but all that pales in compairison to the fact that there are babies out there so thin that they hurt all the time.
There are women and children who are sold as slaves to quench the sexual lusts of men who fear no consequence.
There are people who are told from birth that they are worth nothing
Who drink dirty water because it's all there is.
The curable sick who have no medicine.
The intelligent youth who has no education.
The mother who must watch her child starve to death.

Yet, you know this.
We know this.
We hear it and it makes us sad.
It makes us uncomfortable.
We want to make a change but we don't know how.

So. we. don't.

We have choices.
We have an education. We have resources.
But we are told from so young to use those resources for ourselves.
We are told to live lavishly because we can.
Because we want to.
     While innocent ones are being treated worse that you would hope for your worst enemies.

Yet these girls who are sold even so young as 3 and 4 into sexual slavery are not our worst enemies.

We must not be blind to their needs in favour of our own wants.

We have choices. We must NOT choose to be blind.

Please watch this video of a woman's quest to rescue girls from sexual slavery:
http://www.ted.com/talks/sunitha_krishnan_tedindia.html

Make a change by sponsoring a child or helping an organization. This is the one I support at home: http://www.dalitnetwork.org/

Pray, tell others, give... but do not choose inaction.Freedom must be fought for. Fight for their choices.

Single sisters: How ladies can make singleness more pleasant

     With the approach of Valentine's day and couples forming all over the place, it can be a lonely time of year for us single ladies. I mean sure, we are confident, beautiful women who don't need guys to give us value or significance, but sometimes there are moments where we observe the bliss and fun the "taken" girls have with a twinge of longing. So, instead of self-medicating with bulk chocolate and love movies that you vicariously live through, here are some tips to get you and your other single sisters through this season while feeling encouraged and hopeful that single or dating, married or not that we're all loved and worth while.

1) Send a friend a love reference letter <3
    I got this idea the other day as I was thinking of a friend of mine currently caught in an unrelenting infatuation with the guy of her dreams. Although the torment of a good crush can occupy your giggles and thoughts, there are moments where any lady starts to doubt-- maybe she's not the one that he's looking for. While I was thinking about how awesome she was, I decided to write her a letter telling her all the qualities that I see in her. A girl needs to hear that she is beautiful and that she is worth being sought after and admired. I imagined that I was telling her future prince charming why she is worthy of his affections. You can format it like so...

            To whom it may concern,

                        My dear friend so-and-so is so brilliant and amazing that you should man up and see how great she is. Really, she is the sweetest person ever and will always keep you laughing with that amazing sense of humour of hers. If you knew her like I do, you'd never want to let her go. She has the sort of beauty that is timeless and a heart to match. Here are the top ten reasons why I love knowing her myself...

See, it's that easy. When you're feeling alone or if you find yourself with some time on your hands, go and encourage the single ladies around you. I don't care if you're dating or married, encourage away to those who need to hear it. Even the most confident and lovely of ladies can feel pretty empty and hopeless at times. You can send this in a facebook message or an e-mail or go crazy and write a letter, seal it with wax and spray it with nice smelling stuff. Whoever gets such an encouragement would love it!

2) Go bless some people who need it!

     Last Valentine's day some friends of mine invited me to go hand out home-made cookies to some folks in downtown Vancouver. It was SO much fun! We got together anything we could think of that homeless people could use. It doesn't have to be extravagant, but just getting out there and seeing people who have more to worry about than whether they're going to meet the man of their dreams can put your mind back in the right place. There are so many people out there who don't have anyone. They deserve to be loved just as much as the next person and even something so simple as a cookie can make these cold, wet, Vancouver days a little brighter.

3) Girls Night Out

      Ladies, we all love them and now is as good a time as ever! I know that scheduling can be difficult sometimes but this is a great way to have fun, to feel pretty and enjoy life. Whether going to dinner and the movies or staying in and doing nails, this can be a nice break from school or work or unrequited woes. One HUGELY important thing though, if you tell a friend that you are coming to her gathering, GO! Or at least give her good notice if you can't make it. She's probably working hard to make sure you'll have a great evening and it REALLY sucks if you think ten people are coming and only one person shows up. Don't ruin another girl's night. We single sisters have to stick together.

4) Have a girl friend date night.

      I'll never forget one time that my sister declared, "I wish I could just go ahead and be a guy for one week to show guys how to treat ladies on dates." This was following a conversation we had about how many girls out there had such rotten dating stories. Not all guys, but a fair sum, have left girls feeling insecure and hurt over the course of existence. Most of the ladies reading this have probably had at least one bad encounter with a guy, or perhaps know of others that have. So, for single sisters tip #4, roll up your sleeves ladies and give a friend a smashing date. It can be your sister or friend or cousin, it doesn't really matter who. You can take them out or you can each take each other out, but the point is that you treat the other like a lady. Dress up, open the doors, pay the bill (or split it, it's up to you). I envision showing up at the door looking classy (bonus points if you wear a fedora and suspenders) with some flowers and chocolate or a little gift, whatever is within your imagination and means to do for your friend. It would be a lot of fun and a great way for single ladies not to be left behind while the daters and married ones get all the good times.

5) Jane Austen Tea Party... naturally.

      I'm sure I'm not the only person out there who imagines having a tea party with friends over a good run of the Colin Firth "Pride and Prejudice" movie as an ideal use of time. Jane Austen has written some pretty awesome books and there's a lot of good movies out there with those stories therein. If you don't have an entire day to watch the BBC "Pride and Prejudice," other good ones include, but are not limited to "Persuasion," "Jane Eyer," and "Sense and Sensibility". Making cookies or little sandwiches cut into little triangles is a good edition. Also consider using a real tea set, maybe dressing up nice. OOH, and talking in British accents whilst performing the niceties surrounding tea. The tea is also of importance. My favorites are Red Rose, Earl Gray, English Breakfast, Honey Vanilla Chai but there are so many great teas out there that you are sure to enjoy whatever you go with. As a word of caution, some Jane Austin movies can leave single gals thinking that they will never find a Mr. Darcy of their own. This is true since he is a fictional character but regardless, if one or both of the parties is particularly fragile for chick flicks, by all means sip your tea while watching "Inception" or something. Or forgo movies all together and get a great game of scrabble going. Again, it's up to you.

Anyways, I'd better get back to studying. It has been a pleasure spending this bout of procrastination with you, spreading some ideas on how to make singleness more pleasant. If a guy has chanced upon this blog, take what you can and make sure you treat the ladies around you with respect... help them to feel beautiful in a world that's constantly saying they aren't good enough. As for you ladies, remember that you are made by God with love and that jumping into relationships just to take the loneliness away won't solve anything, you need to be happy on your own before you throw a guy into the equation. Keep loving and encouraging each other! Don't limit these ideas just to February, be spontaneous and cordially invite a galfriend out! Post any other awesome single sister activities you know of and your stories of how it went :) Toodles until next time :)